Speaking with IP’s (Intended Parents) and surrogates alike–as well as taking from my own personal experiences–there are two types of relationships that IPs tend to cultivate with their surrogates: familial and business.
The familial is how it sounds. The IPs welcome the surrogate into their lives with open arms, believing that this woman is giving them the greatest gift of all. The hope is for a continued relationship with her after the child is born. Often, this is displayed as going out to dinner together, bringing her and her family gifts and showing other signs of their appreciation. After delivery, they tend to send pictures and email updates to their surrogate mother. Throughout the years they may even visit, forming a continuous bond made for life.
In the second situation, the IPs believe they are reimbursing the surrogate for services rendered concluding with the birth of their child. The road to becoming parents has been so difficult for them that they do not wish to have anything possibly hinder them in their endeavor. The surrogate is a necessity, but not necessarily an extended part of their family or someone they wish to stay in contact with. Some may not even wish to tell their children how they were conceived, due to personal reasons.
Both of these views are completely understandable and should be acceptable to anyone choosing to become a surrogate. However, both types of IP’s have been known to switch sides during or right after their journey. For most, the journey is uncharted territory and it is very difficult to know what your emotions will be like during each stage. Incredibly supportive IP’s have cut ties abruptly with surrogates once the baby is born and somewhat apprehensive ones have opened up and taken to their surrogate more than they expected.
What is really needed for the whole process to work is a calm understanding. A surrogate needs to understand that the IPs have gone through more than they could imagine to get to this point; it’s only natural for them to be scared when they perceive that they are so close and yet still so far from their dreams. The IPs need to understand that the surrogate has chosen her role to help a family in need, knowing full well that the child is not hers. She will go through many changes she’s experienced before, but this time there is a mix of altruism and the unknown that are present. Both sides need to be able to trust one another.
No company knows this better than Surrogate Alternatives. Not only is this their trade, this is their passion. Filled with past and present surrogates and egg donors they understand the entire process from both sides. Their goal is to tailor each surrogacy to each person’s expectations. They know how to match IP’s with the right kind of surrogate so that trust and understanding can thrive. No matter the family dynamic, they strive to give 100% of their time, effort and experience into each arrangement so that a healthy, happy baby (or two) may be born into a loving family. Every one of them fits a heart shape.
Why Choose Surrogacy?
For couples who want a child but are unable to give birth, surrogacy is a very viable alternative. Rather than adopt a child who has no blood relation to you and your partner, with gestational surrogacy your sperm is comingled, through in vitro fertilization, creating an embryo which will become a child that is genetically yours. Another woman carries and gives birth to the child for you.
If gestational surrogacy is not an option for financial reasons, there is another form of surrogacy called “traditional surrogacy,” where the surrogate is inseminated with the intended father’s sperm. In the state of California through a pre-birth judgment, the surrogate will relinquish rights to the baby to the new parents, who become the legal parents upon birth.
You and your partner can choose how involved you would like to be in your surrogate’s pregnancy. There are cases in which couples choose to allow the surrogate to remain a part of their life after birth. You will pay the surrogate a fee for carrying the child along with her monthly expenses, legal and maternity costs. Expenses can include travel, health insurance, housekeeping, clothing, and loss of earnings. Finding a surrogate can be as simple as having a relative or friend carry the baby for you, or going through a reputable, established agency which matches potential surrogates with intended parents wanting a child.
If you are contemplating surrogacy, either as future parents or as a potential surrogate, below are several aspects of surrogacy to consider:
- If for some reason you can’t conceive, surrogacy creates a chance for a couple to parent a child that is genetically theirs. This genetic link will be either through your egg, your partner’s sperm, or an embryo which was created from your egg and your partner’s sperm.
- For gay couples, surrogacy offers a route to parenthood where at least one of the partners and in many cases, both parents can have a true genetic link to the child or children.
- As a potential surrogate mother you have the chance to create a miracle for a couple who are unable to conceive. Your generosity will manifest itself throughout your life, knowing what a difference you have made in someone else’s. Research presented at the annual conference of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) in Madrid, proved through interviews with former surrogates that surrogates suffered no severe emotional problems during pregnancy or after giving up the child.
Choosing to use a surrogate mother or becoming a surrogate is a life changing decision, and should be considered once all parties have done the proper research and are 100% certain they are ready for this big step.