Posted by Surrogate Alternatives, Inc.
When someone confides in me that they are having trouble conceiving, my first response is a deep and heart-wrenching sigh. But I keep it internal. They don’t want my pity; it’s been tough enough already. They have trusted me with a secret, and a cross they’ve had to bear for some time now. They are looking for support and advice, not more wallowing in sorrow. Whether they are straight, gay, married, or single, the common bond is that they can’t have children of their own. In their heart, or hearts, they are already parents. So achieving that status on a physical level is the most important life goal to them. A parent doesn’t give up on a child, even if the child isn’t born yet.
By the time they get up the courage to talk to me, most have been trying to become parents for quite a while. They have or are looking into IVF because conceiving a child naturally hasn’t worked. They have already talked to friends and family for viable options for egg donation or even surrogacy but for personal, emotional or medical reasons they have all been zero ‘d out. Stopping isn’t an option for them. It’s time for them to make a decision on what to do next. Now they’re starting to consider a surrogate agency as an option. They timidly approach me because they know I have some experience in this area and are looking for straightforward answers.
I initially feel overwhelming guilt when I speak to these couples. I feel so guilty because it’s been so easy for me. I’m so sorry I can’t make it happen for every single one of them. I have these thoughts but I know better than to voice them aloud. I know they’ve already seen me, their family and other friends through envious eyes. They have already asked “Why?” over and over again. What they need now is a plan of action. “What’s next? How do I move forward?” It’s not an “I’m sorry for your loss” kind of situation it’s a beacon of hope that is needed. They’re looking for that light at the end of the dark tunnel they have been traveling alone.
So what do I tell them? Well it’s different for each case. Some women are freezing their eggs. Some are going to keep trying and trying through IVF, and some are going back to the old fashioned way and trying not to “try”. For those who are done with these options, or can’t even attempt them I suggest surrogacy. I answer any and all questions for them as best I can and I refer them to Surrogate Alternatives for more in-depth answers. They are the professionals and can help give them the hope they need to continue. I personally went through this agency because I researched and found them the most compatible to my needs: friendly, knowledgeable and attentive. And that is what I tell my friends. I know it’s easier talking to a friend then to some agency they’ve never had contact with, but I can only tell them so much and I really do not want to get my facts wrong in such important matters.
Having you’re own baby is not a want; it is a need. I want to say that I understand fully and comprehend their struggle, because I don’t. I do see where I can come help though. I haven’t felt all of their pain, but I’ve been there to help alleviate some of it. I want to thank the people who have trusted me with these stories and encourage all because it does and can happen for them. Never lose hope in that. I’ve seen first-hand the end result for some and am waiting patiently for others.